Turning 30 and still Single!
If anyone had told me I’d be 30 and still single, I would have doubted it, not mad at them; not depressed; but I just never thought I’d be 30 and still single. I figured that I’d naturally and progressively complete secondary school, finish university, get a nice job, and voila! The icing on the cake would be marriage to the ‘perfectly nice guy’.
But alas, things have not exactly happened as I thought it would. I did finish secondary school, graduated from university with good grades, and since graduating, landed myself quite a few nice jobs and opportunities. But the expected ‘icing on cake’ has just not happened yet, not even in the process considering I am not dating anybody.
Turning 30 got me thinking more about marriage, and in thinking, looked around me and took count of how many ladies around where 30 and above, and still single. And it seemed that compared to my mother’s generation – 25 odd years ago – more and more women were getting married much later in life; whether by choice or default? That is another kettle of fish.
Anyway, here I am joyfully embracing another season in my life, I do mean joyfully, as there is a lot to be thankful for; when within the span of one week, a friend sends me two near depressing articles; and my ‘edited’ response to her went thus … “I’d be considering the option of marrying the next crooked teeth, broke ass, irresponsible brother who came along … and I’d probably seduce him immediately, since my chances of having a baby now are higher”.
Now, I suppose you are wondering what I read to solicit such a response? The first article she sent – quite lengthy – was titled ‘What’s a modern girl to do?’ bottom-line, the article described the pervasive trend which was, ‘the more successful a woman was, the less her chances of getting married were’. It told of how men tended to prefer women who were less successful/smart women or in subordinate roles; why, pray tell would this be the case? It was attributed to their egos and need to establish their manhood by being the superior one. In one of the researches sited, it was actually found that girls who had been to Harvard hid the fact from guys they met because it was the “kiss of death” to say. To crown matters, there is even an article on forbes.com advising men not to marry career women, can you imagine?
In my estimate, at 30, if you don’t have a husband, at least you should have something to show for what you have been doing with your time such as an education, a career or just something, but no, it seems that we now have to pay a price for occupying ourselves while waiting?
Now the second article, which really triggered off the response to my friend was on a documentary which focused on how the later in life women left it to have children, the more difficult it would be to conceive. The documentary followed some women between the ages of 36 and 45 in their struggle to conceive, then asking the question ‘When is the right time?’
Believe you me; the age 30 is not so far away from 35, just like age 25 does not seem like too long ago. So tell me, what is a single successful Christian woman, who believes in abstinence until marriage suppose to do? Opt for second best? Or continue to wait on the Lord believing that best is yet to come, but come it definitely will?
There is a popular saying about only the person wearing the shoes really knows where it pinches. Before turning 30, I had heard of and seen women who because age was not on their side, had either gotten married to seemingly poor choices or gotten themselves pregnant for fear of not getting married and never conceiving. Though I could not completely empathise with their cause, I could sympathise. But now, as I grow older, and with each passing day, I am able to perhaps empathise and truly understand why they may have made those choices.
All in all, I’m comforted by the truth – that glory and faithfulness of the Lord is not evidenced by what we see or are surrounded by – but by His power to do the seemingly impossible. My hope though deferred, is not cut short.