Glimpse into a tete a tete … a chat between two single ladies
I recently had an email conversation with a girlfriend of mine oceans and borders away; and the conversation was many things … a good laugh, insightful and encouraging. With permission from her, we are sharing the conversation in hope that it might both encourage someone and bring more insight to the issue.
*Caveat* Before you read, we kindly ask that you please reserve harsh judgement …good or bad, this is how some of us think. And each man (or woman) to his own (or desires). Also, we welcome loads of feedback both from the married & single, young & older, and male & female perspective. Read on …
Question…should a woman marry up or down the social ladder or same? Also, is it worldly to be interested in social status as a criteria i.e. where he lives, where he grew up, school he went to, accent, dress sense …. I know these are questions that we have heard many ‘single’ sermons on to the point we are tired of hearing, but with age comes wisdom and reality …your thoughts?
Now this is my theory: Don’t settle on the things that you cannot compromise on.
The way I see it is that the older one becomes the more you’ve been able to settle into a realistic ideal for a partner. Some of the things that you mention (Social status, where he lives, schools he went to etc.) are somewhat trivial to me so I cannot be entirely objective about that.
However what a man has made of himself and the way he has journeyed through life matter to me more today than when I was younger. There is no doubt that the backgroundoutlook of a guy’s progress is hugely indicative of how he’d handle our family matters when married. Other things like being well-educated, well-spoken, well-presented and cultured are not carnal things to desire in my opinion. For me they are normal.
I use myself as an example. A man does not have to be Brad Pitt for me to love him, but he’s got to be presentable and cultured. I do not think that’s worldly. It’s my choice and it’s closely linked to the things that interest me. I do not see myself as worldly when I continually strive to gain more exposure, when I strive to study academically (this is hard!!), when I read wide, when I am interested in world affairs, when I like to like to improve my vocabulary etc. I see that as vital to being a BETTER and more RELEVANT me. I don’t do those things as a carnal mechanism to be more desirable – but just because I am wired that way. Wanting a degree of reciprocity from the person I am going to share my life with is NOT CARNAL – but sensible and wise.
It’s quite easy to become irritable when things in your partner embarrass you, wind you up and irritate you (been there – it really embarrasses you if that is your issue!!!!). The bible says “can any two walk except they be in agreement”???? This is not just for marrying a believer – but for agreeing on issues and being on agreement in diverse manners.
No doubt – some of the things we sometimes desire are for what other people would think. That becomes a matter of the heart. I have boldly come to the conclusion that the things that matter to me the most I will not compromise on. If I’ve waited steadfastly through the years for my God ordained partner – my husband SHALL fulfill every desire I have ever had in the area of marriage.
I suppose different strokes for different folks – but when we examine our hearts and are purged of the carnal things that we sometimes seek – we should not be afraid if we want some things that we just like for the sake of liking. That’s not a sin. God wired us individually with different preferences and desires. He is able to give us far above what we can ask or think. Let us not allow fear to enter our hearts because we seem to be getting older. If He is able to give us far above what we can desire – WHY DO WE WANT TO DOWNGRADE ON WHAT WE CURRENTLY DESIRE???